If I had a nickel for every valentine’s day slasher film with a murderous killer named Harry, I’d have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it happened twice. 

I promised myself I’d check Hospital Massacre out for Valentine’s day this year, and with my mandatory My Bloody Valentine (81’ & 09’) and Valentine (2001) viewing closer to the holiday, this felt like a fun movie to watch for the start of February! 

I do have to say though I felt a bit let down by this one. Perhaps this is the dangers of browsing reviews before watching the film (I know I know, I try not to). But I was definitely expecting to be more taken with this one. 

I liked how it’s kinda a mash up of the bright pastels of My Blood Valentine and the empty hospital halls of Halloween II. Major sucker for holiday horror, and that opening scene with our killer and final girl as kids was a great start! I love killer kids in horror, such a fun trope. 

The absurdity of everything that follows was insanely fun but bordered on annoying for me at times. I hated the hospital staff for their absurd behavior and aggressive treatment towards final girl, Susan. They were straight up holding my girl hostage!! And making her feel crazy… Maybe this just annoyed me so much because there is underlying truth to women being unheard by medical professionals. The doctors and nurses just yanking her around and tying her up was just so bizarre and I kept expecting that all to play into the reveal… but I guess not? I think I was expecting more clarity from the final act than what we got. Or maybe I was missing something. 

Now what really worked for me here was the score! Oh my gosh so fun! I haven’t heard that orchestral style when the killer appears like that! I loved the killers look, his latex gloves and dorky booties. What a silly guy. A lot of the close up shots of his eyes were very reminiscent of Billy in Black Christmas, my favorite holiday horror film. The shot of him coming down the hall with the sheet was an awesome visual, very Halloween. 

Barbie Benton was a great final girl! Her screams were great and I loved the way she portrayed the confusion and angst Susan was feeling as things became more and more ludicrous. She stood out lots for me! Her fighting back against the staff and killer in the final act was so satisfying! I will say though, she has to stop knocking things over! I swear she did it like four times! There’s a super hilarious moment where she’s hiding behind a desk with a bunch of files on it, and she practically picks one of them off the table and drops it onto the ground and then recoils in shock and fear at the “accident”. 10/10

The kills were creative, varied and neon red! The head in the valentine box was sadistically iconic. I especially loved the use of medical equipment and of course a hatchet to the head kill, always a personal favorite! And thank god that pervy ass doctor who practically molested her got the axe! What a freak! 

All of the zany characters running around the hospital were lots of fun too, and elevated this from what could have been a much more mundane stalk and slash. The three ladies in the ward were so mean but also hilarious, what divas. Susans daughter was unintentionally hilarious to me as well! She calls Susan “mother” with the most serious tone ever and I found that really funny for some reason, can’t say why. I just thought it was super silly. 

The drunk pervert with the clip on tie was funny but also gross. I’m not bothered when characters like this are included but I do like to see them get some form of retribution, (hence the pervert doctor hatchet kill being my favorite). It’s slasher 101, i’m sorry I don’t make the rules! If it applies to women expressing sexuality it should definitely apply to men acting perverse! 

I’m liking Hospital Massacre even more as I’m writing out this review so I will bump it up to a solid 
3/5!